Our Loss

I've struggled desperately over this post. My struggles have involved every aspect of it ~ what to say, how to say it, what the title should be, finding the time to sit at the computer to create it. My blog is mainly intended for extended family and friends to keep up with our lives and someday for my children to see and read what we did when they were growing up. It is for the monumental and trivial aspects of our life. This post is about one of those monumental events, and I can't move forward and post about the mundane until it is done. So here goes...it isn't perfect, it isn't eloquent, it isn't polished, it isn't complete, but it is what I have to offer for now.

There are times in your life when you wake up and go on with your day and then something happens and life is never the same. We all get reminders of this several times a year ~ These reminders come from events we read about in the paper or those that affect people in the periphery of our life or sometimes from our friends' lives. Well, just shy of three weeks ago we had one of those life changing events occur in our family.

This is my story the way I need to tell it. I'm sure Steve and Frank both have their own set of details that they have to tell when they tell the story. There are no words to express all of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions but this is a start.

The morning started out ordinary ~ I woke up before the sun, drank my coffee, checked my e-mail, had my quiet time, reviewed the events of the day and then I did the one thing that three weeks ago I would have told you was consistently missing from my life ~ I went for a run. Frank woke up and found my long gone so instead of climbing back between the sheets, he did the one thing that three weeks ago he would have told you was consistently missing from his life ~ he had a quiet time.

A bit after 6:00 I crossed the street and ran by the elementary school. I was pondering who Mary Frances would have as a kindergarten teacher, where her class would be, and when the crayon was going to appear on our mailbox knowing that Tootsie was probably at the same time praying for a pink crayon. As I turned to get to our street I heard the firetrucks and paramedics leaving the station. I had a sinking feeling ~ I knew something was wrong though I didn't know if they were going to my house or my in-laws house. I quickened the pace a bit and then a lot when I saw the trucks barrelling down my street. Talk about feeling helpless ~ chasing a firetruck on foot wondering where they were going. Then our houses came into view {yes, we live three doors down from where Frank grew up and his parents still live}. I saw the ambulance backing into my in laws driveway, and I knew that something was desperately wrong. I sprinted to my back to door to find Frank already on the phone trying to get someone at his parent's house. He raced out the door to go see what he could do. I will spare you the rest of the minute details but what I need to say is that we lost our beloved Tootsie that morning of March 9, 2010.

This is sad ~ sad for Steve, sad for Frank, sad for the community, but most of all sad for our children. She loved many, but our children held a special place in her heart. She called them her "special blessings" and she truly cherished the time she was able to spend with them. They were a joy to her and she always made it fun.

Over time I might be able to express our gratitude for all that everyone has done over the last few weeks as well as share more details about Tootsie and what she meant to me and to many, but there is not time now.